Useless

I'm worried about Tiffany and Emma and I'm stuck here in the house being useless. I wish I could be of some help in some way. Instead I sit here all day doing nothing, but checking my phone every five seconds for an update.

This sucks. Being useless.

Treats

So lately I've been sick and dying. It's not the coolest thing ever. Before I was able to even get over my cold the girliness started which means I was nauseous 24/7. It's really not that big of a deal since I'm used to it every month, but it's seriously not awesome since I'm not at my apartment. I don't like being a bed ridden, lazy bum while a guest at someone else's home. But Mom Andrews doesn't mind and she tells me it's okay and she just wants me to get better. It's reassuring to know she doesn't think I'm a terrible guest.

So since for the past few days I haven't been able to keep any food down I have been confined to bed/couch under Miriam's strict, loving supervision. Yesterday I was able to keep everything down, but only because I barely moved an inch after opening presents in the morning. Today is the same. I was able to keep everything down with just a few close calls.

As a reward Miriam makes me a special treat! :) (I don't know if this should make me feel like a little kid or a dog) The treat is a peanut butter parfait. It's the best thing we've ever concocted! It all started because the first night of my girliness obviously I was craving chocolate and I decided I really wanted a Peanut Buster Parfait from Dairy Queen. Our plans to achieve said craving fell through and therefore Miriam came up with the brilliant plan to make our own. The whole night I kept calling it a peanut butter parfait when in all actuality the one at Dairy Queen is void of the celestial substance commonly referred to as peanut butter.


What is the magnificent recipe for such a delicious treat? Fret not here it is:

- Scoop out some peanut butter into a pot and heat/melt. It scorches easily so best to keep it on a low heat and watch it carefully. (Chunky peanut butter is best)
- Simultaneously in another pot melt some semi-sweet chocolate chips, a tad bit of butter, and some canned milk until creamy. (If this is too bitter, you can add some Hershey's candy or sweetened condensed milk.)
- Put a scoop of vanilla ice cream in a really cool looking glass (see picture below)
- Next add a layer of peanut butter topped with crushed graham cracker and then a layer of chocolate.
- Repeat layering system until glass is full.
- Top with whip cream and drizzle even more chocolate.
- Garnish with a piece of toffee and enjoy! (Don't forget the spoon!)

The finished parfait! (The first one we made)

This is the end result of a 1am peanut butter parfait! Not quite as good as the first one, but still a yummy parfait. (This one was garnished with a sugar cookie)

P.S. We're making another one tonight :)

P.P.S. The boy and I are most definitely done. It's pretty nice. I'm excited about this upcoming semester in which I am completely free!

P.P.P.S. I updated the quote and music of the week! :)

4 Things

TAG YOUR IT!

4 Random Things I Love About My Husband
No husband. Sad day :/

4 Jobs I've Had
1. Cinema Cafe
2. The Cheesecake Factory
3. Ruby Tuesday's
4. Creative Catering

4 Movies I've Watched More Than Once
1. Ever After
2. The Swan Princess
3. National Treasure
4. Lord of the Rings

4 Songs I Listen To Over and Over
1. Broken, Lifehouse
2. Please Stay, Elvis Costello
3. Kiss the Girl, Sebastian - The Little Mermaid
4. Stop and Stare, One Republic

4 Places I've Been
1. San Diego!
2. Las Vegas
3. Virginia Beach, Va
4. Niceville, Fl

4 of My Favorite Foods
1. Strawberries
2. Mashed potatoes
3. chicken pot pie
4. granny's soup

4 Places I Would Like to Visit
1. Paris
2. Guam (to see the Quiner's!)
3. Book of Mormon cruise
4. Sacred Grove

4 Things I Look Forward to in This Coming Year
1. Completing three more semesters at school
2. Rooming with Miri
3. Sending in mission papers??
4. My baby brother graduating form high school

The Fruits of Life

Now that I actually have some semblance of a life that doesn't involve school and/or the boy I have things to blog about. Like the awesome day Miriam and I had in San Diego just bumming around or visiting Paul and Heidi or Hyrum and Tiffany and Rachel. Sadly, however, I am too exhausted tonight to give a description of all of these things. I do, though, have a brief moment to be emo about Poor because he didn't call me back...the bum. Okay emo moment over. I think Miri and I are going to play another game with Hyrum and Tiffany and then I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I'll be back in San Marcos and I'll have more time to post.

The Lemonade from Life's Lemons is Pretty Sweet

Fall semester is finally over and I'm in San Diego (or more acurately San Marcos) with Miriam. It has been amazing so far.

A blizzard began as we were leaving Rexburg around 2pm on Saturday and lasted until just past Idaho Falls. It took us almost an hour to get to Idaho Falls instead of the usual 20mins because of it. We stopped in Provo for the rest of the weekend and Miri and I stayed with her sister and brother-in-law, Ruth and Jared, and their brand new baby girl Marianne. She is the cutest baby I have ever seen (next to baby Aidan of course). Miri and I didn't take any pictures but we plan to when we stop there on the way back. While I was there I ran into Emi at the creamery and was able to have dinner with her and Trevor Sunday evening. The best thing was Trevor called Sister Quiner on his phone and I got to talk to both her and Dr. Quiner! I miss the Quiner family so much! It was so wonderful to be able to catch up with them.

Monday morning bright and early we continued our journey to San Diego. It was snowing almost the entire way there, even in Vegas and Southern California if you can believe it! But we did finally arrive at about 5-5:30pm. Yesterday Miri and I took it easy and cleaned and decorated the house with Celeste and had lunch with her mom and Esther and just generally had a really good day. Then today we drove into San Diego to Hyrum and Tiffany's. We visited for about an hour and then Hyrum took us to Balboa park where we spent the day while he took Rachel to the zoo.

Miri and I had a blast at Balboa park despite the rain. It even let up for about half an hour and we got some really great pictures. We did the free museum, the Timken Art Museum, and then the Spanish Art Village (I think that's what it's called), and mainly wandered around a lot. Then Hyrum picked us up and we're currently baby-sitting little Rachel while he and Tiffany celebrate their three year anniversary at The Cheesecake Factory. Miri and I have an awesome day planned for tomorrow, but for now I'll just post pics of Balboa Park and our night with Rachel.

Make Damn Sure by Taking Back Sunday

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the same as well as the person you got the note from. (uh, only if you want to)


What is your Motto?
Pin Your Wings by Copeland

What do your friends think of you?
21 and Invincible by Something Corporate

What do you think about very often?
3685 by The Spill Canvas

What is 2+2?
So Damn Clever by Plain White T's (hahaha that just seems very funny to me especially since one of the lines is "no one can break hearts better" so true about math)

What do you think of your best friend?
Over by Sugarcult (uhoh that's no good)

What do you think of the person you like?
The Middle by Jimmy Eat World "it just takes some time/everything will be just fine"

What is your life story?
Aim Snap Fall by The Spill Canvas

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Making Love to the Camera by The Starting Line (yeah part of me still wants to be an actress)

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Must Have Done Something Right by Relient K (yeah that's how I feel about him :) )

What do your parents think of you?
October 16th by Faulter "I guess I do the right things at all the wrong times"

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Break A Leg by The Spill Canvas "I do hear by swear a bounty on your heart"

What will they play at your funeral?
The Formal Weather Pattern by Something Corporate "you see my face as I'm dying"

What is your hobby/interest?
Autography by The Starting Line (okay there's this line that says follow the temp and I always thought it said follow the temple and yes I am VERY interested in the temple)

What is your biggest secret?
Jamie All Over by Mayday Parade "All I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you"

What do you think of your friends?
Inside Out by Eve 6

What's the worst thing that can happen?
The Process (Tonight) by Self Against City "Our lives may never change"

How will you die?
Bedroom Talk by The Starting Line (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

What is the one thing you regret?
The Phrase The Pays by The Academy Is... "I've never tried to make the best of my time"

What makes you laugh?
Forgotten Not Forgiven by Just Surrender (this should be the song for question below :/ "and we both know how bad I get")

What makes you cry?
Jersey by Mayday Parade "And I should have been your everything"

Will you ever get married?
The Runaways by Anberlin

What scares you the most?
She's the Blade by Sugarcult

Does anyone like you?
Running from Lions by All Time Low

If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Jumper by Third Eye Blind

What hurts right now?
21 by The Starting Line

What will you post this as?
Make Damn Sure by Taking Back Sunday

100 Things

1. My name means "cheerful"

2. I was born the day before my mother's birthday.

3. I LOVE the song "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid.

4. I want to get married in the Nauvoo Temple.

5. I don't care about having a wedding dress or a reception and I'm even okay not getting married at Nauvoo as long as its me and him and the temple.

6. I have a birth mark under my left arm near my armpit and every time I see it in the mirror it surprises me.

7. I love Jones Cream Soda and I collect the bottle caps.

8. I like pretty much every vegetable except brussel sprouts.

9. I'm pretty obsessed with Disney movies. The classic ones with princesses and songs.

10. Jasmine and Belle are my favorite princesses.

11. I would eat Taco Bell everyday if I could afford it.

12. I text and drive even though it makes me mad when I see other drivers doing it.

13. My favorite band is The Spill Canvas.

14. I like singing although I don't think I'm all that good at it.

15. Singing runs in my family. My grandfather has pretty much the greatest voice. At least I think so.

16. I can wear heels for about 2 seconds.

17. I'm allergic to penicillin.

18. When I was in middle school even though the doctor at Patient First knew I was allergic to penicillin he gave me amoxicillin. My right eye swelled shut because of it.

19. My favorite movie is Ever After or The Swan Princess.

20. I love Disney songs. When I used to pick up Ryan and Jack from school I would play it really loud with the windows rolled down.

21. Vegas was both the worst and best thing I ever did in my life.

22. I can't see myself ever really living there again.

23. I want to live in Chicago at some point in my life.

24. It would be cool to live in Paris at some point too.

25. I'm going to be a seminary teacher...hopefully.

26. I secretly want a girl, but I'm too scared of screwing her up so I just always say I want all boys.

27. I think it's creepy when people wink at me. I cringe and sometimes emit a tiny squeak when people do wink at me.

28. I like nerdy looking guys. I prefer Elvis Costello to Elvis Presley.

29. I want to buy a min pin after I get married. It can be like a trial run before we have kids.

30. I only let people I really like call me Lace.

31. I really have no idea about my family heritage. I think its like Sweedish and Irish and maybe some Native American.

32. I can ask lots of questions in German.

33. Though I can't understand any answers to the questions.

34. I'm studying French.

35. I like people watching.

36. I like to read wedding magazines.

37. I prefer Jay Leno to David Letterman.

38. I like rain and thunderstorms. Living in Vegas I got sick of sunshine and happiness and yearned for storms and gloominess at least once a week.

39. If I go to a movie I have to sit in the middle because it annoys me when people walk by me during the movie.

40. I get sick about once a year. And when I get sick I get deathly sick.

41. I have allergies most of the year.

42. I've been to three weddings. Two were my parents and the other my best friend Katrina.

43. I wish I knew how to drum.

44. Instead my favorite hobby is air drumming. I'm pretty spectacular.

45. I'm of the firm opinion that the drummer is the hottest member of any band. Even if he's not that hot the drums make him hotter.

46. My favorite color is green.

47. Almost everything I own is green.

48. I could have been named Rachel Elizabelth and been called Liz if my mom had named me.

49. I've never ever wanted to change my name.

50. My favorite book is Prince Charming. My grandma bought it for me and it was sitting on my bed when I went to visit her once. Now that I'm Mormon I just skip over the naughty parts.

51. I don't care much for ice cream unless its Ben and Jerry's and even then I have to be "in the mood".

52. Same for popcorn.

53. I am the oldest, but I've always wanted an older brother.

54. I like turbulence on a plane ride.

55. Lilacs are my favorite flower

56. I have to play spider solitaire if I get on the computer.

57. Sometimes when I try to write all I really end up doing is staring at what I've already written before closing the document and taking a break.

58. My first memory is living in an apartment somewhere and pushing the Christmas tree off the balcony after Christmas.

59. It actually makes me sick when someone is pulling out the seeds of a pumpkin. I cannot stand the smell. But I like eating pumpkin seeds.

60. I HATE it when people leave shopping carts in the parking lot in random spots.

61. If I could have plastic surgery on anything it would be my chin.

62. I like driving.

63. I buy hair ties and take one out of the package and then lose the package.

64. Then the elastic wears out of my hair tie and I have to buy a whole new package.

65. I always put the lid down after being in the bathroom because I lived with Aunt Jane for three years.

66. When I get a house I'm having my own bathroom because I can't stand sharing with anyone.

67. I have crazy dreams.

68. I always tell my roommates about them in the morning.

69. My life would be miserable without my roommates and the rest of the girls in Normandy.

70. I chew gum when I'm running late and forget to brush my teeth.

71. I'm terrified of spending the winter in Idaho because the snow and I don't get along very well.

72. I like taking walks at night.

73. I love star gazing.

74. Camping is my favorite thing to do to "get away".

75. I miss the Quiner family more than I would miss oxygen if I was drowning.

76. I try to avoid wearing skirts as much as possible.

77. When I have to wear a skirt I wear shorts under it.

78. One of my favorite things about being Mormon is the fact temples GLOW!

79. I rarely ever wear jewelry.

80. Except for my CTR ring which is in French.

81. If I could retake any subject in school it would be Science.

82. I'm horrible at holding a job and I don't really know why.

83. I tell myself its because I like change.

84. Nothing cheers me up more than watching Ever After or The Swan Princess.

85. My first girl will be named Mirabel Ann and my first boy will be named Ross McKay after my brothers Ryan and Jack.

86. Sometimes I get the urge to name my kids after Disney prince's and princess's.

87. If I could be anywhere right now I would choose right where I am.

88. I eat about one meal a day and that's usually around ten at night before going to bed.

89. I still own pillowcases from when I was really little.

90. I love spring and fall.

91. I'm a Cancer and to a tee. I can be very shy but very outgoing too and I have really bad mood swings.

92. I love my dad's spaghetti sauce even though it has sausage in it.

93. I love peanut butter M&M's

94. I wish they still sold Fun Dip at 7-11

95. I don't care about what's "in style" I wear what I like.

96. I believe everyone should have a second chance and everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt.

97. Even on my very worst day when I scream that I wish I'd never let the missionaries into my apartment, I love being Mormon.

98. I believe you can't go wrong when your smiling.

99. I believe my Heavenly Father loves me even when I feel like no one else does.

100. I'm pretty excited about the whole getting my own planet thing.

Still Holding On

This week has been one of the most difficult since I got to Idaho. It has nothing to do with school or friends or boys. It just has to do with me, which in a way I think is worse. Everything has been going awesomely. Last week was really good for me academically. I got a B on a French test I studied hard for and I did all of my required homework. This week has been much the same as far as school goes (except I did miss an assignment for Book of Mormon).

But last week I started skipping meals. There wasn't a reason really, but then I noticed I was doing it and that's when the thoughts started. I hadn't heard them in my head for a while so it was quite a shock when one day last week I went to get something to eat because I had not eaten that day and it was almost 5. I got to the cupboard and all I could hear was And you had been doing so well. Look at you and how weak you are. You can't even go a whole day without stuffing your face. Do you know how fat you've gotten because you're lazy?

So I closed the cupboard and went to the bathroom and got on the scale and the voice said See I told you so. So I didn't eat. Then the next day I didn't eat until Miriam made me because she said it was in celebration of getting a B on my test. We ate in the new cafe in the MC and with all of that noise and with Miriam there was no voice and I could eat. But afterward I felt sick and selfish so that was the only meal I ate. Then on Saturday I ate a meal with Nicole and it was fast food and the voice just screamed at me. Sunday was fast Sunday and it was such a relief to not have to eat I just didn't. I didn't for most of the week. I had a yogurt once and a banana.

Yesterday I spent the entire day at lectures on eating disorders. They said eat what you're craving so you don't overeat and they taught us about intuitive eating so I had a bagel in between lectures and then on the way home I realized I was hungry again and I wanted another bagel so I got one. Then I got home and Nicole's not-boyfriend boyfriend was there and when I was about to eat the bagel he said "Wow that's a big appetite you have"

I completely and utterly broke down. I couldn't eat and I just sobbed and sobbed. So Karyn took care of me and then got Miriam and she helped me eat the bagel. Then Miriam and I made cookies for my French class. There was so much cookie dough from the one recipe I thought I would never be able to finish baking them all.

The really awful thing about all of this...I lost 10lbs and part of me wants to keep going.

Chasing Cars

Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to.



I'm still learning that it's for the best...

I Want One Too!

Amanda had little baby Aidan today! He's 7lbs 3oz and is 20 inches long. That's all the information I have right now plus a picture. He is so cute! I really wish I was in Virginia right now!

Dealing with Dragons

Dealing with Dragons is a young adult novel by Patricia C. Wrede. It puts a spin on the everyday fairytale, though it is filled with magic, dragons, princes, princesses, witches, and wizards.

The basis of the book is an anti-princess, Cimorene, who does not look or act like a proper princess should. To begin with she has long dark hair instead of blond hair and she would rather learn magic and sword fighting than proper etiquette or needle point. When the King and Queen are at their absolute wits end they decide to marry her off to Prince Thenadril. Cimorene is horrified at this thought and thus decides she must do something. Thanks to a frog she is given the idea to become a dragon's princess, which is actually a highly respectable position.

After following the frog's explicit instructions she meets Kazul who agrees to take her on as her princess. Cimorene soon finds herself immersed in cooking, cleaning, cataloging the library, and organizing the treasure rooms. She loves it all. Then the princes begin showing up.

Cimorene does her best to politely tell the princes she does not in fact need rescuing, but they find this odd and not at all "proper". This is when the real trouble begins and with the help of a witch she decides to hang a sign to deter the princes. While on her way to hang the sign far enough away from the caves she runs into a wizard which is a very odd occurrence as they are not allowed in dragon territory.

From there the reader is caught up in a spellbinding adventure and mystery as Cimorene and Kazul try to figure out what it is the wizards are after and if one of the dragons is really in cahoots with the wizards. This book was a quick read and I highly recommend it not only for teens, but adults as well. The dialogue is witty and humorous and Cimorene is like no other princess. It is a great escape from the usual fairytale.

And at the start of the day are you still the same as yesterday?

I'm keeping up the music from last week because I'm in love with Grey's Anatomy and I love the soundtrack so much, but there is a new quote up for this week. Again sorry about it being late...

Looking for Rainbows

This weekend was mother's weekend. It was difficult. Maybe one of the hardest times I've had here besides my birthday. Usually it's easy to know that I'm alone out here. I don't dwell on it, don't think about it. But there are those times when someone in class will mention having discussed something with their mom or asked their dad a question and in that very moment I feel utterly alone. With everyone having their mom here this weekend I felt like that constantly, which made me angry, which made me unpleasant to be around. So today I had a meeting with the Bishop because sometimes you just need someone to tell you you're doing okay and you'll get through it.

I spent most of the day up in apartment 10. We had a blast. Kristen and I did some studying and we took a nap. Then Kristen and Miriam made corn chowder and biscuits from scratch. After that we started singing and recording for the CD I'm making as a Christmas present to a few people.

Now I'm home in apartment 1 and I'm debating which book to begin reading on the list below. I think I'll start with Dealing With Dragons because I need to read it for class anyway. I read it when I was a freshman in high school and loved the series. It's such a fantastic book.

Harvard's Top 100

I'm going to read all of these...at some point. Even the ones I've already read I'm going to reread them. I think I'll shoot for one a month and then post about it. Maybe this will be like my onw little book review blog.

A People's History of the United States - Howard Zinn
The Wind Up Bird Chronicles - Haruki Murakami
The New York Trilogy - Paul Auster
The Crying of Lot 49 - Thomas Pynchon
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
1984 - George Orwell
Lord of the Rings - Tolkien
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
Crime and Punishment - Dostoevsky
On the Road - Kerouac
Alice in Wonderland - Carrol
Brothers Karamozov - Dostoevsky
The Age of Innocence - Wharton
Don Quixote - Cervantes
Perfume - Suskind
Ulysses - Joyce
Anna Karenina - Tolstoy
Complete Stories of Flannery O'Connor
Cry the Beloved Country - Paton
Dracula - Stoker
The Eagles Die - Marek
Emotionally Weird - Atkinson
The Handmaid's Tale - Atwood
Infinite Jest - Wallace
Kitchen - Yoshimoto
London Fields - Amis
Moise and the World of Reason - Williams
Movie Wars - Rosenbaum
Paradise Lost - Milton
Persuasion - Austen
Tortilla Curtain - Boyle
Visions of Excess - Bataille
Where the Wild Things Are - Sendak
Wild Sheep Chase - Murakami
Beloved - Morrison
Counterfeiters - Gide
The Bell Jar - Plath
Blind Owl - Hedayat
Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe
The Count of Monte Cristo - Dumas
Dealing With Dragons - Wrede
The Earthsea Trilogy - Le Guin
The Ecology of Fear - Davis
Franny and Zooey - Salinger
History of the Peloponnesian War - Thucydides
How the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents - Alvarez
Kabuki: Circle of Blood - Mack & Jiang
Of Human Bondage - Maugham
The Satanic Verses - Rushdie
The Sheltering Sky - Bowles
Tristam Shandy - Sterne
Well of Loneliness - Hall
Wicked Pavilion - Powell
Collected Stories of V.S. Pritchett
War and Peace - Tolstoy
Babel 17 - Delany
Dora - Freud
Empire Falls - Russo
For Whom the Bell Tolls - Hemingway
Girl in Landscape - Letham
Goodbye to All That - Graves
Ham on Rye - Bukowski
Mao II - Delillo
Random Family - Leblanc
Revolutionary Road - Yates
The Stranger - Camus
Humboldt's Gift - Bellow
White Noise - Delillo
Atlas Shrugged - Rand
Bastard Out of Carolina - Allison
Days Run Away Like Wild Horses Over the Hills - Bukowski
Delta of Venus - Nin
Fast Food Nation - Schlosser
Ficciones - Borges
Go Ask Alice - Anonymous
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Adams
Iliad - Homer
On Photography - Sontag
Republic - Plato
Shockproof Sydney Skate Meaker
Society of the Spectacle - Debord
Strangers in Paradise - Moore
The Sun Also Rises - Hemingway
A Wrinkle In Time - L'Engle
Dubliners - Joyce
The Breakfast of Champions - Vonnegut
No Logo - Klein
Aeneid - Virgil
Ariel - Plath
Charlotte's Web - White
Enormous Changes at the Last Minute - Paley
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter - McCullers
Henry VIII - Shakespeare
I, Claudius - Graves
The Lost Continent - Bryson
Master and Margarita - Bulgakov

Music and Quote

Yes it's a day or so late but I put up this week's quote and playlist. This week's playlist comes from Grey's Anatomy. It's the first soundtrack that was released for the show. There's only one song missing and it's Wait by Get Set Go. Enjoy and hope everyone has a great week.

Is it considered behind in life or can I just say I'm late?

I thought yesterday was busy, but today is proving to be even more so. Though it might be okay because today starts later than any other. I have my Child Development class at 11:30 and then English Academic Society and then French and then working at the Evening with President Clark. I'm conducting the music tonight and I am terrified. I don't do so well in front of people, lots of people. I practiced for quite some time last night with Nicole. She's the best for being so patient with me. It probably doesn't help that I can't read music haha.

I have to be all dressed up for tonight, Sunday best and all. That means I will be wearing a skirt and pantyhose all day today. Oh the joys of being Mormon :)

All of this activity today means I can't get anything done that I had planned on getting done. I need to go to the post office and mail the check to my little brother for his fundraiser and Joey's birthday card (his birthday was last Wednesday by the way) and I'm way behind on making fudge, which means I probably won't be able to send it to anyone until Monday. I also want to start working on the package we're going to be sending Andy and the package I want to send the missionaries in Virginia. I'm still working on how to get their address.

Also I've only read 10 out of 25 books for my Young Adult Lit class so I need to read A LOT this weekend so I'm nnt rushing to do it at the last minute. I've read the book I'm teaching to the class and the book I'm doing for the book talk and I just finished the book I'm doing my rationale report on. All I need to do is find two books to do for my classical bridge essay. A classical bridge is when i take a calssic book that it's hard for teenagers to connect with (ie. Scarlet Letter, Hamlet, Hounds of the Baskervilles) and pick a current yound adult book that will get them interested in reading the classic. I did this back at Longwood with Hamlet and Harry Potter, but for this paper I really want to use War and Peace or maybe even The Scarlet Letter, but I'm having trouble thinking of current young adult books that would help them get interested in the story. Any suggestions would be awesome.

Response to [in]securities posted by sylvs

its time to challenge the status quo
because we want and
because we can
what are your former [in]securities?

- I have an eating disorder and I never feel pretty enough, but I'm learning skinny doesn't equal pretty.

- I'm back in college after three years away and I feel so behind, but I know I have it in me to finish.

- I never feel good enough because I'm a convert and I experienced a lot of the bad things in life, but I'm not that person anymore and I wouldn't trade my past for anything.

- I haven't had a home since my granny died, but then I found Katrina and then I found BYU-I.

- I have tattoos to cover scars that I try to forget are there, but they remind me of what I will never become.

- I don't get close to people because I learned early on everyone I love dies, but then again everyone dies at some point.

There's No More Trying Tonight

The new playlist and quote for this week are up. Just thought I'd let everyone know.

And It's Strange How I Still Think You're Magical

So today I submitted two of my writtings to the pre-professional conference.


I wrote that sentence yesterday and never finished this entry hahaha. So I went a judged the writings for the pre-professional conference today and I had submitted to works, one fiction and one creative non-fiction. I was one of two groups judging fiction and I snuck a peak at how they judged mine and it wasn't good...well not that there were comments on it. We were supposed to use a check system and I got a check minus. Miriam says it probably had nothing to do with how it was written, but that it might not have been what they were looking for for the conference. So anyway this is what I submitted in the fiction area. Do you think its a check minus? Be honest. Let me know.





Sometimes I feel like dancing; waving my arms around in the air, my hips swaying back and forth in time to the music, my eyes closed, and head bopping slightly. Too bad I can’t dance. Sometimes I feel like writing; pen to paper, lyrics flowing freely, the perfect hook, and a catchy chorus. Too bad I can’t write. Sometimes I feel like being in love; holding someone’s hand while walking down the sidewalk, kissing someone whenever I feel like it, knowing that there’s someone there always, and being able to wake up feeling wanted. Too bad I don’t believe in it. Sometimes I feel beautiful; hair falls just right over my eyes, my jeans hug the curves of my body, the shirt is a perfect color of blue that brings out my eyes, and my make-up looks natural, barely noticeable. Too bad I’m not. Sometimes I feel like painting; blank canvas in front of me, brush held steady in my hand, light blues and dark reds streaked across in dazzling lines, and a masterpiece slowly is created. Too bad I can’t paint.

They sat on the roof of the house watching as the sun began to set on the end of another spring day. Will had a sketch pad on his lap, but his pencil lay beside him forgotten as he watched in awe as the colors ran together in the sky creating pinks and oranges he’d never be able to capture with paint. Sara sat beside him fiddling with a camera oblivious to the sunset. She never really saw the beauty in anything until she looked at it through the lens of her camera. Finally getting the setting she wanted she lifted the camera and snapped a few pictures before the sun was almost completely gone. Will watched as Sara took her pictures and picking up his pencil quickly began to sketch her.

“We only have two weeks left before graduation,” Sara commented breaking the serene silence, “Are you excited?”

Will kept his eyes on his sketch pad as he answered. His dark black hair falling in his eyes, but somehow he managed to draw even as it obscured his view, “I suppose.” He said. Sara nodded he’d already confessed his fear of them growing apart, but she’d voiced her opinion that that was ridiculous.

“Well I got a letter from Harvard giving me all of my information for move in day. Have you heard from NYU? If we plan it right we can leave here the same day and help each other move in.” she suggested.

“August 21st, when’s yours?” he flicked his eyes to the side to look at her profile once more even though he knew every line of her face by heart. He’d been drawing her since he was twelve.

“Mine is on the 17th so why don’t you just follow me up in your car and you can stay with me for a few days and then I’ll go with you to New York and help you move in. My classes start on the 23rd so I should be fine. Besides I’m willing to skip a few days of orientation for my best friend.” She told him grinning. Best friends, she reminded herself, that’s all they were.

“Sounds good to me.” He answered. Sara was used to his answers being short and to the point when he was drawing. Putting her camera down she looked over his shoulder to see what he was sketching. She grinned when she realized it was her.

“You know when you get a girlfriend at college she’s going to wonder why you have so many sketches of some random girl lying around.” Sara joked.

“You aren’t some random girl,” he said finishing up a few lines around the camera and her hands before signing his initials at the bottom and dating it 24 April 2006, “and I don’t plan on getting a girlfriend at college. I’m going to NYU to study film, not girls.” Sara laid her head on his shoulder and smiled.

“What am I going to do without you?” she asked giving herself one moment to be scared of the future.

Will laid his head on top of hers, but said nothing. There was nothing to say when he was wondering the exact same thing. He ran a hand through her long unnatural bright red hair letting the silence consume them.


Her cell phone was vibrating on her bedside table and blindly she reached for it. Mostly still asleep she answered, “Hello,” she mumbled.

“Come outside, you should see the moon.” Will told her. Rubbing sleep from her eyes she sat up and looked at her clock and grinned. She loved getting 3 a.m. calls from Will.

“Let me put on some clothes and I’ll be right down.”

“Sleeping naked again are we?” he asked his earlier bout of depression replaced with his normal sarcastic nature. One of the many things the two had in common.

“You know it.” She replied as she threw back the sheet and climbed out of bed. A pair of jeans was lying on the floor and she quickly pulled them on while holding the cell phone between her ear and shoulder.

“And bring any money you have lying around,” he told her as an after thought. She stopped rifling through her closet for a shirt and walked over to her window. Pulling up the blinds and swinging the window out, she leaned down to look at him. Will was leaning against his old 1988, red Toyota Celica. He waved to her when he saw her. “Nice bra,” he commented. She grinned.

“What do I need money for?” she asked.

“We’re going driving.”


Sara’s bare feet hung out the open window and she was singing along to the radio as Will drove down the deserted road. They’d been driving for a few hours and the sky was beginning to lighten as the sun threatened to come up. Sara loved it when Will took her driving. They’d get in his car with all the cash they had on them, pick a direction, and go. Sometimes it was just for a few hours and sometimes it was for an entire day. Living in Niceville on the panhandle of Florida gave the two of them plenty of choices. They could go west toward Biloxi or New Orleans or east toward Jacksonville and Tallahassee or north into Alabama or Georgia. They rarely ever chose south as it was a tricky business. Seeing as how they lived on the coast and to go south toward Orlando or Tampa they would first have to go east and that just defeated the entire purpose of picking one direction.

This morning, however, the two were headed west toward New Orleans, which was only a four hour drive. They’d passed Biloxi about a half hour ago where they stopped for gas and food and a small stuffed animal that Will bought for Sara because it was tradition to buy a souvenir at every stop. The song on the radio ended and a commercial replaced it. Sara tilted her head to the side and smiled at Will. Alternating between looking at Sara and the road Will smiled back at her.

“What?” he asked, “What is it?”

Sara shrugged, but continued smiling, “Just wondering why you felt like going for a drive is all.”

“Dad,” was the only answer he gave. She nodded not needing Will to explain that he’d started drinking again, “Mom went to go stay with her sister and seeing as how it was 3 a.m. I knew you’d be free.” Sara’s smiled widened at hearing this.

“When it comes to you I’m always free.” The sun was beginning to be visible on the horizon and Sara reached down to the floor of the car and pulled out her camera. Turning at an odd angle so she didn’t have to move her feet she began snapping pictures of Will before stretching herself out to lean against him to get some pictures of the two of them. Will put his arm around her and smiled contentedly. He didn’t know how he was going to make it without Sara there with him everyday. Pulling over to the side of the road Will turned off the engine and got out of the car. Sara followed him, camera in hand. “I thought we’d be going to New Orleans.” She said as she climbed onto the hood of the car and laid down. Will followed her and sighed as he looked up at the sky that was split into night and day.

“I wanted to do something different today. Besides I have to have you back in time for your doctors appointment.” He reminded her.

“Is today really Tuesday?” she asked turning to look at his profile, “Hmm for some reason it feels more like Wednesday or Thursday. I could skip you know.” Will shook his head.

“No, you need to go. It’s good for you to have someone to talk to about everything.”

“That’s why I have you. You’re better than a shrink any day.” Will laughed and kissed her temple.

“Thank you, but you need to get an outsider’s view point every now and then.” Sara sighed even though she knew he was right. She always found it oddly ironic that Will was the one living in a troubled home yet she, coming from a seemingly perfect home, needed the shrink. She gave his thigh a pat and for the first time noticed how tight his jeans were.

“Are those my jeans?” she asked him.

“They always did look better on me."


Sara had fallen asleep on the couch in her living room with a notebook in her lap and a pen still held loosely in her hand. Her cell phone ringing jarred her from sleep and a long thin blue line was made across the page. Yawning she reached for the cell phone.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hello is this Miss Hunter?” a male voice on the other end of the line asked.

“Yes,” she answered turning her head around to look at the clock on the wall behind her. It was one in the morning. Why would anyone need to call her at one in the morning? Besides Will anyway.

“My name is Dr. Taylor you were the person listed to call in case of an emergency in Mr. Hendricks’s wallet. I’m afraid he was in a car accident an hour ago.” Sara could have sworn her heart stopped, “I’m calling to ask you if you knew if he had a living will or not.” Sara’s mind was blank she couldn’t think.

“Um,” she said as she felt her heart slowly begin to beat again, “no, no we never talked about anything like this. He did say, however, that if anything were to happen to him that I was to make any decisions regarding his well being. How,” she paused not quite sure if she could ask the question, “how is he?” she whispered.

“I’m afraid he’s on life support right now Miss Hunter.”

“What? No, no. He’s what? He can’t be.” She shook her head as tears began to fall down her cheeks. Her elbow rested on her knee and she brought a shaky hand up to her forehead and closed her eyes. This wasn’t happening. In a moment she’d wake up to her cell phone ringing and it would be Will on the other end.

“I’m afraid from what the police can tell he deliberately drove his car off the road and into a tree. He crashed at such a high speed there was damage to his brain from the impact. It also appears as if he was drinking at the time.” The phone slipped from Sara’s hand and hit the edge of the glass table before landing gently on the pristine white carpet.

“They say he may never wake up.” Sara sat in a chair next to Will’s hospital bed holding his hand. Will’s mother stood beside her, arms crossed over her chest as she spoke to Sara.
“Never is a really long time,” Sara commented. Will’s mother had never been around before and it angered Sara that she decided it was now her place to care for Will.

“He’s alive at least. For that we should be thankful.” She told Sara. She shook her head and a sad small smile graced her lips.

“Sure, he’ll be alive; you can keep anyone alive these days on a breathing machine for however long you want them alive. But just because they’re there doesn’t mean that they talk to you. They don’t drive to your house at 3 a.m. and tell you they’ll take you anywhere you want to go. They don’t sit with you on the roof and watch the sunset and talk to you about things that aren’t even all that important in the grand scheme of things. They don’t draw you every chance they get because they want to memorize every line of your face. No, they don’t do any of that. Instead, they just lay there, their chests steadily rising... falling... rising... falling... over and over again, until ‘never’ ends.” Sara had never been this open and honest with anyone, but Will and he wasn’t there anymore. She couldn’t understand exactly why she was telling his mother all of this, but it made her feel a little bit better for some reason. “And you know the worst part?” Sara asked turning to look at his mother, “I can’t decide whether or not I want ‘never’ to end.”


“Everyone’s convinced you were trying to kill yourself,” Sara said softly as she sat on the edge of Will’s bed his hand sandwiched between her own. She’d not left the hospital in three weeks. He would wake up, she was convinced of this. “But you wouldn’t do that would you? Because no matter what we always said we’d believe in each other and that that would be enough and if you went and did something like this. Tried to kill yourself. That can only mean one thing can’t it, that you stopped believing in me.” She had to stop for a moment because she was going to cry and she had told herself she wouldn’t cry until she had said everything she was going to say. “You told me that trying to kill myself was stupid because it would prove everyone right. It would let them know that I couldn’t do it. You said the only way to get back at them, to prove them wrong was to live. I lived dammit,” anger began to replace the heartache she was feeling, “I didn’t live just to have you die on me. Do you understand? We were going to grow old together. You promised me that when we died it would be sitting on a roof at a hundred years old watching the sunset.”


Sara wore a black dress. One that Will had picked out for her when she’d needed to go to some fancy dinner. She knew she’d never wear it again after this, but he’d picked it out for her so she wore it. There were a few rows of white chairs sitting on a black tarp underneath the small tent where the casket sat, still above the ground. She’d given the eulogy at the church and now all that was left was the final words from the priest and the lowering of the casket. Sara stared straight ahead not really seeing the casket or the cemetery or anything that was there. Memories of the friendship she had with Will kept flashing through her mind. Their friendship was supposed to last a lifetime and in a way she supposed it had. Will’s lifetime at least.


Soft footsteps on the tile floor woke her up. Her writing notebook slid from her lap and landed on the floor with a soft thunk.

“I’m sorry Sara I didn’t mean to wake you. I just came in to change the date on the board and write down Sadie’s name for who’ll be on shift today.” Margaret explained. Sitting up Sara nodded and smiled. The beeping of the machines were almost nonexistent to Sara now. Taking a hold of Will’s hand she smiled at him.

“I had the strangest dream that I buried you, but you know I’d never do that don’t you?” she asked him before she sat back in her chair and picked up her notebook to begin writing where she had left off before she’d fallen asleep. She looked up at the board to check the date, April 21, 2016. Sighing she picked up her pen and wrote the same date on the top of a new page in her book.


Sometimes I wake up after dark and lie in my room wondering where the day went. Sometimes I wish the world would just disappear. Sometimes I wish I could disappear. Sometimes I shower to make myself feel better. Sometimes I listen to my music at full blast and dance around my room to try and make the gloom go away. Sometimes I sit on my bed and stare at old photographs wondering where all the happy memories went. Sometimes I get dressed in my closet so I don’t feel like my posters are watching me. Sometimes I sleep because it’s something to do. Sometimes I sleep because it’s a way to escape. Sometimes I drive to the cemetery, but don’t get out of the car. Sometimes I still expect you to be sitting in the chair when I walk through the door.

Homework Assignment

This was an old assignment for Teachings of the Living Prophets which I took during the summer break. Brother Seedall put the question "Why Do You Need A Prophet?" up on the board and we had to write why we thought we needed it. Mine wasn't quite as eloquent or awesome as everyone else's. I stumbled upon it again this weekend when I grabbed a random notebook to bring on the SA retreat.

Why I Need a Prophet

I need a prophet because I need help getting closer to Heavenly Father. I need a prophet because I need an anchor, a rock in this world. I need a prophet because I need to be told I am loved and cherished not only by the prophet, but by Heavenly Father and Christ. I need a prophet because I need the priesthood. I need blessings and sacrament and baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost and temples. I need a prophet because I need revelations and new scriptures to help me get back to Heavenly Father. I need a prophet so that I know I'm not alone.

Mafia Cabin

I had a really awesome weekend at the student ambassador retreat in Island Park. We stayed at this cabin owned by the school called Mafia Cabin. It's called that because a plastic surgeon that would work on the Mafia owned it and would send them there to recuperate. He ended up going to jail and some guy bought it and then the school found out about it and bought it.

It's a really nice cabin and its huge. It's very secluded which added to its creepiness. We all had so much fun and I'm really glad to have made friends outside of the apartment complex. Really good strong spiritual friends. Especially after the horrendous day I had today and the only one that cared enough to check on me was Nicole. Everyone else ignored me, pretended I wasn't there and didn't really care that I was in my room sobbing hysterically.

I didn't really do any homework for tomorrow so I'm not turning in my article summary in Old Testament or the quiz in Child Development. I did the reading for Eternal Marriage and started the workbook for French. I really need to get ahead in my homework so that it stops sneaking up on me so that I'm overwhelmed. Midterms are going to be here before I know it because its almost October. I can't believe school has been in session for almost a month. I feel like it just started yesterday.

Pictures from SA Retreat

The most we got was 9 before the guys collapsed.

You run and jump on top of the guys and see how many you can get before it collapses.

Some sort of game Jeff suggested we play.

Inside Mafia Cabin.

Ashaylus (probably spelled that wrong) and Mesa Falls.

Mesa Falls

Mesa Falls

The drive up in the back of the van with Brynn and Ashley.

Weekend Getaway

I know it has been a really long time since I've posted anything and I'm not really one to go back and recap all of the shenanigans that have taken place since my last post.

The second week of school has ended and I'm getting back into the flow of things. I really like being back at school and I'm generally happy with all of my classes except for when people are being stupid. I'm taking Preparation for Eternal Marriage, Young Adult Literature, Old Testament, French, and Child Development. I'm also trying to be more involved this semester so I'm in the English Academic Society (EAS) and I'm a Student Ambassador. All in all I'd say I should be kept pretty busy this semester.

This weekend (actually in a few hours) I'm leaving for a retreat with the other Student Ambassadors. I'm really pretty excited about a couple of days away. I really need it right now. I've been couped up in Rexburg for far too long. Plus I need some other friends. Friends I don't live with or see every day. I need some flipping variety.

I'm making brownies right now for the retreat because we're supposed to bring a snack to share with everyone and hey who doesn't like brownies. I'd really like to take a nap before I go, but then I'm afraid I won't sleep tonight. And I need to sleep tonight because we're going to be getting up early to go on some sort of bonding walk. It's also supposed to be extremely cold up there. I hope its not all that cold.

Biology Project...Sort Of...

Stella and me on the porch swing.










On the grassy hill under the weeping willow.
One of my favorite places in the gardens.










We threw grass in the air...it was supposed to shower down. We didn't quite get the desired effect.












Pretty pretty flowers.

The weeping willow on the grassy hill.

The More Boys I Meet...

KATRINA AND JOEY ARE GETTING MARRIED!

I am so excited. That means I'll be flying home the last weekend in June. A certain someone may or may not be making the trip with me. I have to ask him if he'd like to tag along. Hopefully he'll say yes. It's so crazy that Katrina is getting married. I still can't quite wrap my head around it all but I am so happy for her. And if anyone thinks they shouldn't get married I'll take them out. Its no one elses business really.

Anyway this week has been kind of crazy. I was pretty sick on Sunday so I was debtaing on whether or not to go sing hymns under the stadium. So I was just going to hang out with Stella and then Poor texted me and said he decided to go so of course then I went. We were waiting for them to begin and we saw Elder Kinghorn...well now just Kinghorn. It was like a mini-reunion. three out of five of us. We stayed for most of it, but Poor had this horrible cough so we left early. And we're walking back to the apartment talking about randomness and he just all of a sudden is like "so your facebook says your in a relationship." I was seriously thrown for a loop. So I told him I kind of was, but I really didn't want to be in it. And he in all of his glorious wisdom says "you should get out of it then." So then we talked about how I hate not being in a relationship. And there was so this moment when we were just staring at each other and my heart started beating so fast and I thought oh man this is it. Then he said he was exactly the opposite right now. So somehow we got onto the subject of how I hate mormon boys. We ended up going back to my apartment so I could make him something to help his cough and sore throat and he pestered me the entire time for an answer. I finally asked him why it was so important to him and he said because he was a mormon boy. So I gave him half of the reason.

Then on Monday the rim I bought him for his car finally got here. So he came over to pick it up. After he left he called me. But actually he was trying to call his dad so we had a random conversation about how could he possibly mistake me for his dad. Then later on I called him because we had family home evening in Idaho Falls. That meant I had to get in a car for the twenty minute drive and I really haven't been in one since the accident. So we talked about irrational fears and he told me I would be okay. I told him if I died it would be all his fault. He said he was cool with that because he knew I wasn't going to die. Haha. I suppose he maybe was right.

Then Tuesday is devotional so I saved our seats like usual. He slept through the whole thing because he has the flu (he went to the doctor on Monday...finally) After it was over I asked him if he still wanted to do our usual Tuesday night talk/dinner thing and he said yeah sure. Then after a moment of discussing what we had to do that day he said he'd call. He never called. Then yesterday Stella and I decided it would be a good idea to walk to the grocery store in the rain. So when we got there I called him to see if he'd come pick us up and there was no answer, but he never called me back and usually he does. I'm kind of worried because he's not like this. Whenever he says he's going to call he always calls. I'm wondering if since he waited over a week to see the doctor about his flu and is still going to class if maybe its turned into pneumonia. Which would be really bad. I'm going to try calling him again this evening. I really hope he's okay.

Other than that not too much is going on. I've got some pictures Stella and I took. I'll just make another post for them. it was us in the Ricks Garden. They're pretty sweet.

Pictures

So I have some pictures of before I left Virginia that I just thought I'd share. Man I totally miss the branch, but I love it here too. The guys in our family for family home evening are hilarious. Oh man Kim you would love it here too I think.

My last visit with Melinda. I bought her a teddy bear and she named her Lacey. Its one of the white bears. The other two are mine. That's Seamus in the blue hoodie and Spencer is sitting next to him. Then of course Elder Clerc and Elder Dahl.

Katrina and me at my going away party at

Chuck E. Cheese.

Joey and Seamus at Chuck E. Cheese.

I wish I had more pictures of everyone back home. But I have tons from the going away party so I guess that will just have to do. Not very much is going on. Just going to class and doing homework. These activities are interspersed with the gym and hanging out with Poor. the only person I know here besides my roommates. We hung out Tuesday night mostly because we were both procrastinating writing our biology papers. its supposed to be warm this weekend. Hopefully I'll be able to get out and do something. I feel a little bit like I'm getting cabin fever just hanging out in the apartment all the time.

First Day

Yesterday was the first day of class. It was pretty sweet. I only have three classes right now. My other two start in June. So I got up and headed for my religion class which is introduction to mormonism. It's a cool class. We had to go around and do introductions and there's only seven of us in the class and probably by next week there will only be three because some people are in there that shouldn't be...like returned missionaries. I was almost the last person to go and Brother Hammond asked me how I ended up all the way in Idaho from Virginia and I told him about Poor and he goes "Are you two seriously dating? I bet there's a good story there. Let's hear it." I almost died. I tried to convince him it wasn't that interesting of a story and somehow I ended up talking about the car accident. So now he calls me a miracle and says he'll be watching me because obviously I'm here to do great things. Well, hey, at least one person thinks so.

I'm still struggling with the accident. Its kind of surreal to know that by all accounts I should be dead or at least very seriously hurt. I can't stop thinking about it no matter how hard I try. I can't sleep at night because I have these horrible nightmares. Even sometimes during the day I'll have daymares.

Anyway my next class was American Heritage and its this huge class of about 200 people and I felt a little like a sardine in that classroom. It seems like its going to be a pretty okay class as long as I keep on top of the readings. After that was biology which is my block class so its only six weeks long. I have three times a week for two hours. It actually really wasn't that bad and the time didn't seem to drag like it did when I was in high school.

I will have everyone know that I have actually done my homework...well most of it at least. I wrote my paper for my religion class did the readings and answered the questions for history, I now only have my biology reading and paper to write.

I feel like I should stop this post and maybe come back to finish what I have to say in another post because this one is getting so long, but I'm too lazy for that. Yesterday I went with a roommate to help her get her sister's stuff from another house somewhere in town. I got lost and when I got lost I had been texting Poor about something or other. I can't remember and my phone is in the other room. Anyway he tries to help me figure out where I am and when he can't he says "do you want me to come pick you up?" At first I just said "ummmmmmm.........." and then he told me "it's okay if you do", but then my roommate figured it all out and I got in the car with her so sadly he was not able to rescue me, but I suppose its the thought that counts. We're going to devotional together today so yay!