Pawpaw

My Pawpaw (grandfather) has been sick since February. His mouth cancer came back and he decided he didn't want to do treatment anymore. At the beginning of April they started him on Hospice. I was able to fly home over the week break between semesters and see him one last time. I am really glad I got to see him, but I will never get used to watching someone die. I've done it more times than I care to remember and it does not get easier. I cannot imagine anything as painful as holding his hand and saying goodbye and knowing that's it.

As a Latter-Day Saint I believe in eternal life and in eternal families. I know what happens to me when I die, what happens to Miriam, Shane, my bishop. But what I didn't really understand was what happened to my pawpaw, my family. I knew part of the gospel was being able to be together forever, but so many people had told me that those who do not recieve the gospel in this life cannot reach the celestial kingdom. This past Sunday I finally asked my Bishop about it. He told me this, "Why would we do temple work if it's not possible for them to be exahalted? You need baptism to enter into the kingdom of God. That's all. To get the celestial kingdom you need to be sealed for eternity. If it wasn't possible for them to reach the celestial kingdom why would we do sealings for the dead? Why not just stop at baptism and confirmation? I have full faith that your grandfather can be exahalted and become a god."

It's amazing to me that seeing how much faith Bishop had could put my fears to rest and give me the faith I needed. It's amazing how someone elses testimony can affect your own. I think that's one of the reasons in everything we do we should emulate Christ because you never know who needs help in their testimony, who feels almost out of faith. We're not supposed to make it alone. We're supposed to hel each other. A testimony isn't meant to be kept hidden, it's meant to be shared.

"Oh, if I could teach you this one principle: a testimony is to be found in the bearing of it!" - Elder Boyd K. Packer

So today my mom texted me to tell me that they had taken pawpaw to the emergency room and it had something to do with his heart. He asked to go home and he's back home now. They've stopped giving him medicine, food, and water, but they upped his pain medication and he can up it as needed. That means it's only a matter of days now. So I texted my mom back and told her to tell him I love him and that he's the best man I know. She did, and I'm really glad he knows now. I really wanted to tell him when I saw him, but I just couldn't. It was too hard.

Since I thought I'd never be able to tell him in person I tried writing him a letter and a poem. I kind of feel like the poem is incomplete, but Miriam said she thought it was just fine and she liked it a lot. So here it is.

You taught me how to fish,
But all the while it was patience.
You taught me how to sit in silence,
But all the while it was thinking for myself.
You taught me how to pick and peel apples,
But all the while it was being self-sufficient.
You built me a cardboard playhouse;
You taught me to laugh.
You built me a green swing that hung from a tree;
You taught me to be free.

Weekend Procrastination

So I had my whole Saturday planned out and it involved lots of quality time at the library doing homework. Too bad that didn't happen.

I woke up took a shower and was getting ready to go to the gym (yes I showered before going to the gym) when Shane texted me. We ended up going to the gym together. Or, well, I went to the gym and he went swimming. I saw Kristen there and we talked the whole time and it was really nice. Then Shane and i came back to the apartment and we were going to have breakfast. I figured we'd call it a day after that and I would go the library and do my homework. But no, Shane had a brilliant plan.

So we rented the first 8 episodes of Prison Break, got pizza, went back to Shane's place, and watched five episodes on the projector.

Absolutely no homework was completed on Saturday. I figured I would just have to do a little bit on Sunday. Not all of it, but like my religion homework and maybe some reading. I got up, went to church, had a meeting with the bishop, went to our FHE brothers' place for lunch, went to Elder Bednar's talk, and came home. Then Shane came over and we made dinner and watched Beauty and the Beast. Then it was time to go to bed.

I got absolutely nothing done this weekend! Now I'm going to feel behind all week and I hate that. I know I have time to do the homework that needs to be done, but I like feeling ahead and not so overwhelemed. It'll be okay though. Maybe instead of reserving Saturday's for homework I should do it Friday during the day since I have so much time in between my two classes and before anything usually going on at night.

Hot Springs

Yesterday I only had one class, American Government, and New Testament was cancelled. I'm trying to go to the temple once a week because our bishop challenged us to and I thought going after my early morning class would be perfect and it was. I think it's the slowest I have ever seen the Rexburg temple. I got there around 9 and then I waited for Shane and we went in around 9:30. We only had to wait a few minutes before we could get dressed. Then it wasn't very long before they called Shane back to help with confirmations. They let him confirm me and then baptize me so I wasn't as scared as I normally am when I get in the water, but I was still pretty scared.

When we were walking back to the car Shane saw an old mission companion and he was getting married so we went over to say hi. Shane had been planning on going to his reception that night, but while we were at the wedding he got asked to go to the luncheon too so he was trying to decide what to get them as a wedding gift. I had one that I hadn't been able to afford shipping and so I said he could have it. We went back to the apartment and I gave it to him and then he left to get ready for the luncheon.


I took a nice long nap and then my roommates, Bekah and Katy, invited me to go to the hot springs with them and a few other people. We had a blast. I am so glad I decided to go. Plus it was a really good workout. When we got home we put in a movie, but I ended up going to bed before it was over. And that was my Friday night.