Pawpaw

My Pawpaw (grandfather) has been sick since February. His mouth cancer came back and he decided he didn't want to do treatment anymore. At the beginning of April they started him on Hospice. I was able to fly home over the week break between semesters and see him one last time. I am really glad I got to see him, but I will never get used to watching someone die. I've done it more times than I care to remember and it does not get easier. I cannot imagine anything as painful as holding his hand and saying goodbye and knowing that's it.

As a Latter-Day Saint I believe in eternal life and in eternal families. I know what happens to me when I die, what happens to Miriam, Shane, my bishop. But what I didn't really understand was what happened to my pawpaw, my family. I knew part of the gospel was being able to be together forever, but so many people had told me that those who do not recieve the gospel in this life cannot reach the celestial kingdom. This past Sunday I finally asked my Bishop about it. He told me this, "Why would we do temple work if it's not possible for them to be exahalted? You need baptism to enter into the kingdom of God. That's all. To get the celestial kingdom you need to be sealed for eternity. If it wasn't possible for them to reach the celestial kingdom why would we do sealings for the dead? Why not just stop at baptism and confirmation? I have full faith that your grandfather can be exahalted and become a god."

It's amazing to me that seeing how much faith Bishop had could put my fears to rest and give me the faith I needed. It's amazing how someone elses testimony can affect your own. I think that's one of the reasons in everything we do we should emulate Christ because you never know who needs help in their testimony, who feels almost out of faith. We're not supposed to make it alone. We're supposed to hel each other. A testimony isn't meant to be kept hidden, it's meant to be shared.

"Oh, if I could teach you this one principle: a testimony is to be found in the bearing of it!" - Elder Boyd K. Packer

So today my mom texted me to tell me that they had taken pawpaw to the emergency room and it had something to do with his heart. He asked to go home and he's back home now. They've stopped giving him medicine, food, and water, but they upped his pain medication and he can up it as needed. That means it's only a matter of days now. So I texted my mom back and told her to tell him I love him and that he's the best man I know. She did, and I'm really glad he knows now. I really wanted to tell him when I saw him, but I just couldn't. It was too hard.

Since I thought I'd never be able to tell him in person I tried writing him a letter and a poem. I kind of feel like the poem is incomplete, but Miriam said she thought it was just fine and she liked it a lot. So here it is.

You taught me how to fish,
But all the while it was patience.
You taught me how to sit in silence,
But all the while it was thinking for myself.
You taught me how to pick and peel apples,
But all the while it was being self-sufficient.
You built me a cardboard playhouse;
You taught me to laugh.
You built me a green swing that hung from a tree;
You taught me to be free.